Preventative, empowering consent education is the best way of challenging sexually harmful attitudes and reducing offending rates. As such, consent is a vital subject from an early age, and it is imperative that we provide young people with accurate, reliable information and safe spaces in which to have these conversations and ensure they feel heard.
The statutory guidance on relationships and sex education obliges schools to teach consent, including what the law says. In reality though, many teachers do not feel comfortable, confident or sufficiently supported or trained to do this, so here are some key considerations.
Practice and prepare
These are formative conversations. Taking a direct, clear and factual approach without moralising or judgement is highly effective.
We tell students to practise and prepare for difficult or challenging tests and exams. We should do the same. Know what you might struggle with or what concerns you most about having the conversation. Practice what you want to say and how you might deal with responses or questions.
Plan your approach and get comfortable with the language you will use, ensuring that you are confident of terminology (for example, nudes, upskirting, stealthing and sexual assault). Acknowledging colloquialisms or slang while responding with accurate language builds trust and respect.
Acknowledge and inform
The concept of consent is broader than sexual or intimate consent. Using non-sexual examples serves as a reminder that often we are already capable of understanding it through the lens of everyday situations.
It’s important to give accurate information so as not to leave pupils confused or misinformed, and this may mean acknowledging any gaps in your own knowledge. You are not expected to have every answer and certain questions (e.g. about the law) will not be within your area of expertise. Saying ‘I don’t know but I can help you find out’ demonstrates humility and your genuine desire to help students navigate the topic. It also ensures students get accurate information from reliable sources rather than turning to online sources that may be highly misleading.
Some questions and comments may seem trivial or designed to derail, but it’s important not to dismiss them. Take every question seriously and respond accordingly, or ask them to rephrase it. A little humour in the right places, if it feels appropriate, will also go a long way to diffusing what might feel like an awkward or embarrassing discussion.
Normalise and model consent
Normalise consent, communication and meaningful conversations. This includes normalising asking, respecting boundaries, the concept of caring about and wanting our partners to be comfortable, happy and to enjoy any interaction or experience.
Having an open discussion in an honest and clear way allows us to model what positive, respectful and healthy communication looks like.
Make these regular and ongoing, rather than one-off conversations. For an effective approach, short, consistent conversations are most beneficial.
Listen and facilitate
The clear feedback from students we speak with is that they really appreciate the opportunity to be heard by us, but also by their peers. This enables them to become comfortable and confident in expressing themselves, as well as listening and responding to others.
Respond appropriately
The lack of student reporting is a major concern because it prevents access to help and support. One of the reasons for this reluctance to disclose is a worry about adult reactions and responses.
Be clear about what your obligations are and what assurances you are able to give, and relay these with sensitivity. Listen, validate and reassure any student who discloses that the fundamental premise of any response is to keep them safe.
Make the most of the community
Ofsted’s review of sexual harassment in schools makes it clear that conversations about consent are crucial in school, but the problem is a societal one. Accordingly, schools will find they are not alone in taking responsibility for consent education.
Involve parents. Inform them of your approach and enable them to support conversations at home. Share concerns and knowledge with colleagues and counterparts, and seek out external providers and experts who can help to kick start the conversation. You are not alone.
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